Parents are supposed to support you through every storm. They are supposed to be your lighthouse in the endless sea. The guide through the dark. The hand that never lets go in the windy storm. The little voice telling you you can do it. However, not everyone is lucky with parents who support you. Some are unfortunate to have parents that are still children inside. They still expect to be pampered and babied. They never grew up and sometimes forget the responsibilities they have now. They like to blame others for everything and want someone else to fix their problems.
My mom is a good person. She's sweet and once was my idol. She spoils me, and she loves me deep down. She wants whats best for me, but she doesn't deem anything I do right. She doesn't appreciate the fact I cleaned her room or did the dishes, but she yells at me for not doing a better job. When she's home, she's never up for doing anything with me, but when I'm busy with track or drama or work, she says I never make time for her. When my day is going great, she brings it down by reminding me of something I did a year ago that I still feel guilty about. She cries and claims I'm a horrible daughter who's embarrassed of their mom, even though I tell her the dates of all my concerts, my shows, my meets, and all those things but she says wont be able to make it. She doesn't tell me good job on lettering in academics or placing at a meet or getting a big role in a play, but she makes a big deal if my brother gets a hit in football (again) or my sister gets all a's (she always does). She gets mad at me for not eating breakfast at home, but she asks me what I want for breakfast at the same time everyday when I'm about to get picked up for school. She notices every little detail I do wrong, and reminds me of them for weeks.
All I want to be is good enough. If my brothers start a fight with me, its my fault. After a week of doing everything wrong, if I ask her if I did it right for her approval, her support, she just yells at me. She says I'm ungrateful, but I always talk about how lucky I really am. When I admit to doing something wrong, she rubs it in my face and proves me wrong even further. If she was wrong, I don't explain further, but she throws a fit.
My mom is the type of person who laughs and giggles all the time. She will jump up and down like a little kid. She will laugh at the dumbest jokes. She sings about what shes doing. She's one of those moms your friends wish they had. She's a very happy spirit. She dances and reminds you of a child. She forgets to throw away her trash or put away her dishes. She forgets to close the bottle of coca-cola all the way, and leaves the cookies out in the open to harden. She leaves the computer on, and puts her clothes on the bedroom or bathroom floor when they are dirty. She's the kind of person who needs everything explained to them and talks constantly during movies. For the past 8 years of my life, I have been watching over her. I have been the mother and she has been the child. I fold her clothes. I watch oer my brother and sister. I give them money for food and the movies. I give my mom money for whatever she asks. I wash the dog. I clean up after her messes and wash the dishes. I have been the one helping my siblings with their homework and cleaning the kitchen. I held my mom as she cried for my grandma and when we had money trouble. I made food when my parents were at work. She didn't notice when I stopped eating, I got myself to start again. I noticed when my brother was overly tired and burning himself out. I've taken the blame for all her little mistakes and big mistakes that she's decided to not take blame for. I do this all without a word. I will be stressed and want time alone, but she will find this a time to call me out and say I'm ungrateful and disrespectful.
There's nothing I can do. I can't stand up for myself to my mom. No one can, they will lose everytime. Your parents will always have a type of superiority over you. All you can do is accept it and take it if they are wrong. I know I'm still luckier than most people. My parents aren't abusing me or neglecting me. My parents didn't leave me. We don't live a poor life. They spoil me. They don't ground me. They let me go almost everywhere. They don't drink, or smoke, or chew. They are loyal to each other. In a way, I have no reason to complain, but I can't help but to wish my mom would just be proud of me. I want her to tell me that I am good enough. That I am not the most ungrateful, disrespectful, worst daughter in the world. I wish she could show me that she thinks I am actually turning into the person she hopes I would be.
I just want your approval.
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