So Jake is going to UNL. For those of you who don't know, that is in Lincoln. I live in Omaha. That's about 45 minutes away. It's not impossible. On top of that, his roommate is his best friend who happens to have a girlfriend in my grade who also happens to be one of my best friends. So her and I can go visit them together Even if I just go by myself, I know his roommate will be cool with it. He plans on coming home as much as he can. He also plans on seeing all the high school shows to see his sister or me or any of our drama friends. There will be weeks where he won't be able to come home, which I understand. I think our plan is very doable.
Even with our plan, I'm still scared about him leaving for college. I mean sure, I know he won't be like any past long distance relationships I've had. (For those of you who don't know, I had a long distance relationship on and off with a guy [aka Mr. Lincoln] who lived in Omaha and then moved to Lincoln. He would constantly get my hopes up in coming to visit me, and end up being a no show. He would come back into my life when I just convinced myself that he didn't want me and I needed to move on. He told me he loved me, so I would never stop loving him. Let's just say that relationship never worked out. He's a thing of the past.)He will actually try. I know I can trust him. He won't cheat on me. I can see it when he looks at me or when he talks about me. He and I care for each other too much to hurt each other like that. I know my friends and family will be supportive. I know that he and I will still talk. I'm just absolutely terrified of what college could bring. It's a known fact he will meet new people.I know he won't try, but he could fall for someone else. Or worse, I could hold him back from one of those girls he might like or it could be a burden coming back to visit me. I could hold him back from doing what he needs to do because he doesn't want to hurt me. He told me the worst thing he could ever do is hurt me. He told me that he could not stand to hurt me, and with our history and our pasts I know he's not lying. I could not stand to hurt him by holding him back from his true calling in life.
Even with our plan, I'm still scared about him leaving for college. I mean sure, I know he won't be like any past long distance relationships I've had. (For those of you who don't know, I had a long distance relationship on and off with a guy [aka Mr. Lincoln] who lived in Omaha and then moved to Lincoln. He would constantly get my hopes up in coming to visit me, and end up being a no show. He would come back into my life when I just convinced myself that he didn't want me and I needed to move on. He told me he loved me, so I would never stop loving him. Let's just say that relationship never worked out. He's a thing of the past.)He will actually try. I know I can trust him. He won't cheat on me. I can see it when he looks at me or when he talks about me. He and I care for each other too much to hurt each other like that. I know my friends and family will be supportive. I know that he and I will still talk. I'm just absolutely terrified of what college could bring. It's a known fact he will meet new people.I know he won't try, but he could fall for someone else. Or worse, I could hold him back from one of those girls he might like or it could be a burden coming back to visit me. I could hold him back from doing what he needs to do because he doesn't want to hurt me. He told me the worst thing he could ever do is hurt me. He told me that he could not stand to hurt me, and with our history and our pasts I know he's not lying. I could not stand to hurt him by holding him back from his true calling in life.
The worse part about him leaving for college is just that. He is leaving. I'm not going to see him everyday anymore. I'm so used to seeing him and getting hugs from him about three times a day. I'm so used to eating lunch with him everyday. Next year, I won't see him in the mornings in the music commons where we all hangout before school, or after my homeroom to walk me to my A2 class, or in a practice room for lunch on a days, or before my A4 class, or after school, or in the cafeteria on B days for lunch. He's not going to be sleeping in the music commons during B4, or at Village Inn instead of going to work, or in the scene shop during rehearsal, or the fly rail during shows. He's not going to be home for me to surprise and scare him. He isn't going to be in reach. It scares me to think how much I will miss him. I'm scared for that. I'm scared I'll be a wreck once I realize that we're trying to hold on to something, but move on with our lives at the same time. He's not going to be in reach when I need a hug from a bad morning, or a bad day. Or just because. It makes me cry just to think about it. It's just weird to think I won't see him everyday, but I know I can't do anything about it. I'll just have to enjoy the summer, and hope for the best.
